Coral tree, with the Kei rive mouth in the background
Stop this roller coaster I want to get off! I told you in a previous article (Forty Eight) that I started meditating again and that it always (3rd time now) creates havoc in this world. Everything just explodes, all at the same time. The big bloody bang is not over yet.
I placed the "Where to now" article, took it down and then decided to place it again. What the heck it is all the truth. There is no blaming anybody, we made the choices and have to deal with the consciousness.
I have been spending quality time with myself and I, and I have been having the most fascinating dreams. I had a nervous breakdown or a panic attack or maybe both the other night, just lost it, started crying and shaking and could not stop myself. I must say I did feel a lot of relief the next day, it was necessary to get that poison out. Now I can think clear again.
Riaan went for an interview for work as a Field guide at a Nature Reserve just outside Port Alfred (about 300 km down the coast). He loves guiding and misses it, but he has done some things in the past that keeps on coming up and biting him in the back. He did not get the position and the whole excursion cost nearly a Thousand Rand, it is expensive to look for work.
I see a plan, but I have to go places and talk to a few people first before I can share that here. I have taken the photo, now I must develop it, so to speak.
Putting yourself first is not selfish. Stop the self sacrifice, it gets you nowhere. How can you help others it you cannot even help yourself? I am busy giving myself a motivational speech, trying to convince myself. Sometimes you have to let go of things.
This whole idea or starting the Medicinal herb garden with the Doctor is just not happening, for all sorts of reasons, but mainly because I think I have created enough gardens for other people at my expense, next time I will do it for payment or for myself.
Being on the brink of disaster (financially) does bring up some issues, you do think about things in a different way. The trick is not to fall into a space of fear and lie there and panic.
I am sure a plate of food and a place to sleep must be a basic human right, it is a basic human need! Talk is cheap and there are all these beautiful words about human rights. Now we are so happy and proud, look we have a piece of paper it says we have rights, but what does it really mean in the real world. Just because something exists in theory, does not automatically mean it is being applied in practice. Even if you know your basic right, how exactly does that put a roof over my head? There is this commission that has to decide whether your rights have been violated, by the time they have decided, you could have died from exposure.
In the meantime I can really put some energy into some of my ideas about making money from the internet. My main interest in this is the fact that payment is normally in Dollars or sometimes Pounds, so even if it does not bring in much, with the exchange rate it is worth quite a bit in Rand value. It is a lot of work and learning in the beginning, but once it is all up and running it does not take up your whole day and can create income, without creating slavery. I am brainstorming a lot about this at the moment.
We have decided to move at the end of the month, actually we haven’t decided that, we will have to, cannot afford this rent any longer. There goes my idea with the Internet business, because I will more than likely not have a good internet connection where we are going next, that is now if my plans all work out. Again I cannot share details with you yet, because I have to go and talk to some people first. I am rather excited about my whole plan. Let us see how things develop, I need to get out of town, even towns are too big for me and I need a garden! This will be the start of a whole new chapter in green living!