19. MEDITATION AND MINDFULNESS

300 Year old Aloe Tree on the edge of the garden

Meditation and mindfulness. Some people spend considerable time in meditation, where you practice mindfulness. The fact is that this all means nothing if you cannot bring that mindfulness back to planet earth and everyday life.  Be in the moment, but so often we dwell on the past or worry about the future. Mindfulness becomes a habit, just like worry and living in the past.

The trick is to break those old habits and become mindful. Be in the present, be here now, but what to do if something severely disturbs this, what if you have thought of worry that will just not go away.  You cannot simply deny their existence and it keeps on disturbing your present.  Here is an example. We share a kitchen with various people, lately this has been costing us a fortune and my fear of “not having” kicked in.  I was feeling abused and I kept on going over and over this in my head and I was getting angry at people based on previous experience.  We packed most of our stuff into boxes, yet my fears remained, I was still fighting with people (in my head) about thing that haven’t even happened yet, attracting fear, knowing it, but seemingly impossible to stop myself.  This all probably sounds a bit crazy, but we have all been there.

Now my Chi is badly disturbed and I cannot be in the moment.  What to do.  Denial does not work, “just letting go” doesn’t work, “all you need is love”, does not work, besides what about love for myself and my well being? The solution was to face the situation and confront the other people involved, which according to me was expecting to share all evening meals, which (in my experience) means they bring a potato and I give the rest to feed 4 – 6 people.  I simply and calmly explained that I cannot afford this situation and that I do not want to and do not have to share every meal.  It is not what you say, but how you say it.

Yes, it took guts to confront the whole situation and the people involved, but it was the only way to get it out of my head.  Now I feel clean and in the moment again.  I guess my point is this – sometimes your fear can be very strong and denying their existence does not make it go away, it just keeps on eating and eating at you, you have to face them and deal with them, only then will you be able to remove them.  Not all the mindfulness in the world will do that for you, only your own actions, mind full actions.